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Solar Dragon: Solar Dragon moved page P.S., I Hate You/Quotes to P.S. I Hate You/Quotes

2025-08-31T16:04:20Z

Solar Dragon moved page P.S., I Hate You/Quotes to P.S. I Hate You/Quotes

Solar Dragon: Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Last Man Expanding|Yellow Planet}} {{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Marge? Marge Simpson. I assumed that was you coming out of the shame stor..."

2025-04-14T16:17:27Z

Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Last Man Expanding|Yellow Planet}} {{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Marge? Marge Simpson. I assumed that was you coming out of the shame stor..."

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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Last Man Expanding|Yellow Planet}}

{{qf|[[Helen Lovejoy]]}} Marge? Marge Simpson. I assumed that was you coming out of the shame store, so I rushed right over.
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} I never imagined that everyone in town would show up for my birthday.
{{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} Of course we did, Marge. Springfield adores you.
{{qf|[[Kumiko Albertson]]}} You're a bake sale legend.
{{qf|[[Kirk Van Houten]]}} You always have spare underwear for my Milhouse's "uh-ohs."
{{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} Plus, you're always nice to everybody, even the town jerks, like me and, uh, no offense, Homer.
----
{{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} By the pinots ingested in me, I hereby decree Marge Simpson the nicest lady in Springfield.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Last night was like something out of a dream.
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Yeah. Can you believe I went to work naked and my teeth all fell out?
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{{qf|Marge}} It's gone. Where is it? Where is it?
{{qf|Homer}} Where's what?
{{qf|Marge}} My box. My secret box.
{{qf|Homer}} The sex box?
{{qf|Marge}} No. No, my box of letters.
{{qf|Homer}} What letters?
{{qf|Marge}} My secret box of hate letters.
{{qf|Homer}} But the sex box is okay?
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{{qf|Marge}} But those letters were just for me. They weren't meant to be read by anyone, ever. We have to find them.
{{qf|Homer}} Honey, relax. I'm sure they're around here somewhere. Maybe the cleaning lady moved them.
{{qf|Marge}} I'm the cleaning lady.
{{qf|Homer}} Tell us where you moved them, or you're fired.
----
{{qf|Distorted voice}} Dear Marge, we have your letters. If you want to see them again, pay us $5,000. If not, we will show the world what a mean bitch Marge Simpson really is.
:''[Simpson family gasps]''
{{qf|Homer}} Can we say that now?
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{{qf|[[Bart]]}} My money's on [[Jasper]]. He's ugly, and ugly people are prone to crime.
{{qf|Homer}} I've always hated ugly people, and now I know why.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Everyone thinks I'm the sweetest lady in the world, like {{Ch|Ellen DeGeneres|Ellen}} when she started her talk show. But if those letters get out, they'll all hate me. Like Ellen when she ended her talk show.
----
{{qf|Homer}} Honey, wait. I've seen every movie about angry, middle-aged men refusing to negotiate with kidnappers. I know how to talk to these people.
{{qf|Distorted voice}} Time's up, Marge.
{{qf|Homer}} This is Mr. Marge, dirt butt, and you just signed your own death warrant 'cause I'm a retired CIA ninja who just un-retired to chimp chomp your face.
{{qf|Distorted voice}} Hey. You listen here--
{{qf|Homer}} No, YOU listen, butt dirt! We want those letters on our doorstep by noon hundred hours tomorrow, or I'm gonna be on you like a Hawaiian shirt on a fat guy.Aloha means "hello" and "you're dead."
----
{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Last night, a vile, horrible letter was left at our doorstep and tore my world asunder. It reads, "'Dear'"-- and dear is in quotes-- "Helen. In case you haven't been made aware, you are a... -bitch!"
:''[congregation gasps]''
{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} "You're a snobby little gossip who derives a vampiric pleasure in the misfortune and minor foibles of others."
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Wow, you're a good writer, Mom.
{{qf|Marge}} Shh!
{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} "Do me a favor and keep your surgically upturned nose out of my business. [[Josh Groban]] would hate your guts. Go jump in a woodchipper."
----
{{qf|[[Agnes Skinner]]}} I would never write such vile things. I'd say 'em to your discount Botox face.
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{{qf|Marge}} Hey, Shauna. Thanks again for babysitting. I'm sorry I forgot to mention it was 56 kids instead of the usual three. How is it?
{{qf|[[Shauna Chalmers]]}} Ugh. It's an abominable hellscape of torment and woe.
{{qf|Marge}} Wha...?
{{qf|Shauna}} Oh. I'm reading a goth romance novel and some of the vocab is sticking.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Why don't you eat the food I left in the kids area?
{{qf|Shauna}} But [[Milhouse]] sucked all the pigs out of the blankets. And [[Martin]] ate all the corn off the dogs.
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{{qf|Shauna}} Ugh. Every time she hires me to babysit, she treats me like I freakin' work for her. She acts like all I do around here is watch TV and try on her clothes.
{{qf|[[Jimbo Jones]]}} Uh, that is what you do.
{{qf|Shauna}} Yikes. How does she pull this off without looking like a skank?
{{qf|Jimbo}} The pearls class the whole thing up.
{{qf|Shauna}} Psh. Everyone thinks she's such a saint. Meanwhile, she's starving the one babysitter that's watching, like, every kid in town.
{{qf|Jimbo}} Where are those kids, anyway?
{{qf|Shauna}} Up your butt. I don't know.
----
{{qf|Shauna}} ''[laughs]'' Oh, man. This angry MILF hates everyone in town.
----
{{qf|[[Superintendent Chalmers]]}} Oh, hello, Mrs. Simpson. To what do I owe the unannounced weekend visit?
{{qf|Marge}} Um... I'm writing an article for the PTA newsletter about you.
{{qf|Chalmers}} Me?
{{qf|Marge}} Yes. An interview, really. Long form. "Gary Chalmers: A Profile In Competence." Not "incompetence." "In competence." 'Cause you're great.
{{qf|Chalmers}} Hm... I wasn't aware that the PTA's biannual, one-page, single-sided newsletter even did long-form interviews, but how nice. Come on in.
----
{{qf|Chalmers}} Uh, don't you need a pen or a recording device?
{{qf|Marge}} Uh, no. No, I have a photographic memory.
{{qf|Chalmers}} For auditory speech?
{{qf|Marge}} Yes. ''[thinking]'' I think he's buying it.
{{qf|Chalmers}} ''[thinking]'' I'm not buying it.
----
{{qf|Marge}} So, how did you become so... super at... intending?
----
{{qf|Homer}} Psh. Another stupid kid wearing an old T-shirt of a band they know nothing about. I bet she can't name one song by... Planned Parenthood.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Why'd you do it, Shauna? Was all this over a stupid crab puff?
{{qf|Shauna}} No. When I found those letters, I thought they were awesome. You totally nailed all the cringe-os in this cringe town. And then I read the letter you wrote to me.
{{qf|Marge}} Oh, Shauna. I never meant for you--
{{qf|Shauna}} You called me a "hormonal little snot with more piercings than brains." And you're supposed to be the nicest lady in town?
----
{{qf|Shauna}} Don't let me die. I want to live to be old and fat like you.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Hi, everyone. I just want to apologize. Not for having negative feelings, but for keeping them to myself all these years. Even though I smiled in your face, I was secretly furious. And that wasn't fair to you or to me.
{{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} So do you hate us all?
{{qf|Marge}} No. No, I love the people of this town. Even when we butt heads.
{{qf|Homer and Jimbo}} ''[laugh]'' Butt heads. Aw.
{{qf|Marge}} But I'd rather you all think of me as an honest person with real, complex emotions, and not someone who's just nice. Thank you.
----
{{qf|Marge}} Oh, wait, wait. O-One more thing, Helen.
{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Yes?
{{qf|Marge}} Kiss my ass!

{{Season 36|Q}}

@@ Line 44: / Line 44: @@
 {{qf|Homer}} No, YOU listen, butt dirt! We want those letters on our doorstep by noon hundred hours tomorrow, or I'm gonna be on you like a Hawaiian shirt on a fat guy.Aloha means "hello" and "you're dead."
 ----
-{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Last night, a vile, horrible letter was left at our doorstep and tore my world asunder. It reads, "'Dear'"-- and dear is in quotes-- "Helen. In case you haven't been made aware, you are a... -bitch!"
+{{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Last night, a vile, horrible letter was left at our doorstep and tore my world asunder. It reads, "'Dear'"—and dear is in quotes-- "Helen. In case you haven't been made aware, you are a... -bitch!"
 :''[congregation gasps]''
 {{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} "You're a snobby little gossip who derives a vampiric pleasure in the misfortune and minor foibles of others."

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P.S. I Hate You/Quotes - Revision history

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Solar Dragon: Solar Dragon moved page P.S., I Hate You/Quotes to P.S. I Hate You/Quotes

Solar Dragon: Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Last Man Expanding|Yellow Planet}} {{qf|Helen Lovejoy}} Marge? Marge Simpson. I assumed that was you coming out of the shame stor..."