Monty Can't Buy Me Love/Quotes - Revision history

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Acooldude at 00:21, March 22, 2016

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SolarBot at 13:37, August 28, 2012

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SaganamiFan at 00:43, September 20, 2010

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2010-06-20T11:35:12Z

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{{TabQ
|episode=Monty Can't Buy Me Love
}}
:'''Jerry Rude''': Ever murder anybody?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Murder!? Well, mistakes have been made.
----
:'''Homer''': Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!
:'''Burns''': You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank.
----
:'''Kent''': Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!
:'''Selma''': Single? Well, he passes the Selma test.

{{Season 10 Q}}

@@ Line 4: / Line 4: @@
 {{qf|Appraiser}} This gentleman's beer tap dates back to the mark of the century, and remarkably, seems to have never been washed.
 {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Yeah, yeah, I been meaning to wash that, but, heh, heh, it's been such a century.
-{{qf|Appraiser}} At auction, I'd expect this to bring twenty to thirty thousand dollars... except that on the handle somebody's carved "[[Homer]] Rocks".
+{{qf|Appraiser}} At auction, I'd expect this to bring twenty to thirty thousand dollars... except that on the handle somebody's carved "Homer Rocks".
 ----
 {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I don't know how you can all just lay around the house on a nice day like this. When was the last time we went for a good, old-fashioned family walk?
-{{qf|Homer}} Well, we stopped those when the kids said I was too fat to carry.
+{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Well, we stopped those when the kids said I was too fat to carry.
 ----
-:''[the family is out for a walk]''
+:''[The family is out for a walk.]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt! All the fresh air is making my hair move. And I don't know how much longer I can complain.
-:''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Barney]] drives by and yells out of his car window]''
+:''[Barney drives by and yells out of his car window.]''
-{{qf|Barney}} Get a horse!
+{{qf|[[Barney]]}} Get a horse!
 {{qf|Homer}} Could we, Marge? Could we get a horse?
 ----

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Old Man and the "C" Student|They Saved Lisa's Brain|season=10|number=224}}
-:'''Appraiser:''' This gentleman's beer tap dates back to the mark of the century, and remarkably, seems to have never been washed.
+{{qf|Appraiser}} This gentleman's beer tap dates back to the mark of the century, and remarkably, seems to have never been washed.
-:'''[[Moe]]:''' Yeah, yeah, I been meaning to wash that, but, heh, heh, it's been such a century.
+{{qf|[[Moe]]}} Yeah, yeah, I been meaning to wash that, but, heh, heh, it's been such a century.
-:'''Appraiser:''' At auction, I'd expect this to bring twenty to thirty thousand dollars... except that on the handle somebody's carved "[[Homer]] Rocks".
+{{qf|Appraiser}} At auction, I'd expect this to bring twenty to thirty thousand dollars... except that on the handle somebody's carved "[[Homer]] Rocks".
 ----
-:'''[[Marge]]:''' I don't know how you can all just lay around the house on a nice day like this. When was the last time we went for a good, old-fashioned family walk?
+{{qf|[[Marge]]}} I don't know how you can all just lay around the house on a nice day like this. When was the last time we went for a good, old-fashioned family walk?
-:'''Homer:''' Well, we stopped those when the kids said I was too fat to carry.
+{{qf|Homer}} Well, we stopped those when the kids said I was too fat to carry.
 ----
 :''[the family is out for a walk]''
-:'''Homer:''' Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt! All the fresh air is making my hair move. And I don't know how much longer I can complain.
+{{qf|Homer}} Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt! All the fresh air is making my hair move. And I don't know how much longer I can complain.
 :''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Barney]] drives by and yells out of his car window]''
-:'''Barney:''' Get a horse!
+{{qf|Barney}} Get a horse!
-:'''Homer:''' Could we, Marge? Could we get a horse?
+{{qf|Homer}} Could we, Marge? Could we get a horse?
 ----
-:'''Marge:''' All this commotion, just for a store?
+{{qf|Marge}} All this commotion, just for a store?
-:'''Homer:''' Hey, it's not just a store, it's a megastore! Mega means good, and store means thing!
+{{qf|Homer}} Hey, it's not just a store, it's a megastore! Mega means good, and store means thing!
 ----
-:'''[[Kent Brockman]]:''' [[Springfield]] is still swooning from the whirlwind visit of playful plutocrat [[Arthur Fortune]].
+{{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} [[Springfield]] is still swooning from the whirlwind visit of playful plutocrat [[Arthur Fortune]].
-:'''[[Mr. Burns]]:''' Oh! The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?
+{{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Oh! The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''[sighs]'' I thought I had everything: money, good looks, strong, sharp teeth. ''[sighs again]'' But what's it all worth when nobody likes you?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} ''[sighs]'' I thought I had everything: money, good looks, strong, sharp teeth. ''[sighs again]'' But what's it all worth when nobody likes you?
-:'''[[Smithers]]:''' I like you, sir.
+{{qf|[[Smithers]]}} I like you, sir.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''[exasperated]'' Are you still here?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} ''[exasperated]'' Are you still here?
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Simpson, I need your help. I want to be loved.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Simpson, I need your help. I want to be loved.
-:'''Homer:''' I see. Well, I'll need some beer.
+{{qf|Homer}} I see. Well, I'll need some beer.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' I want you to look at me the way I saw you look at Arthur Fortune.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} I want you to look at me the way I saw you look at Arthur Fortune.
-:'''Homer:''' ''[wistfully]'' Oh, Arthur Fortune. ''[sighs]''
+{{qf|Homer}} ''[wistfully]'' Oh, Arthur Fortune. ''[sighs]''
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Yes! That's the look I'm looking for! What would make you and you slovenly kind look at me that way?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Yes! That's the look I'm looking for! What would make you and you slovenly kind look at me that way?
-:'''Homer:''' Well, you don't have to call me slovenly.
+{{qf|Homer}} Well, you don't have to call me slovenly.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Yes, exactly! That's the kind of pointer I need! Tell me more, fatty.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Yes, exactly! That's the kind of pointer I need! Tell me more, fatty.
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' I can't believe it! I'm still not among the hundred most popular billionaires! I'm behind [[Adam Sandler]], for God's sake!
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} I can't believe it! I'm still not among the hundred most popular billionaires! I'm behind [[Adam Sandler]], for God's sake!
 ----
-:'''Homer:''' Well, how 'bout donating money to charity? Lots of crazy old coots do that.
+{{qf|Homer}} Well, how 'bout donating money to charity? Lots of crazy old coots do that.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' A charitable donation, eh? Well, there's a first time for everything.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} A charitable donation, eh? Well, there's a first time for everything.
 ----
-:'''Homer:''' Gee, I feel bad. If people knew the real Monty Burns, and not the silver-dollar-throwing morphine addict you've become, they might like you.
+{{qf|Homer}} Gee, I feel bad. If people knew the real Monty Burns, and not the silver-dollar-throwing morphine addict you've become, they might like you.
 ----
-:'''[[Jerry Rude]]:''' All right, uh, how many times a day do you go to the can?
+{{qf|[[Jerry Rude]]}} All right, uh, how many times a day do you go to the can?
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Oh, about forty, I suppose. When are we going on the air?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh, about forty, I suppose. When are we going on the air?
-:'''Jerry Rude:''' We're on the air now, Skeletor.
+{{qf|Jerry Rude}} We're on the air now, Skeletor.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' What?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} What?
-:'''Jerry Rude:''' Question two: How long is your wiener? Seriously.
+{{qf|Jerry Rude}} Question two: How long is your wiener? Seriously.
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Great heavens! What kind of radiola show is this?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Great heavens! What kind of radiola show is this?
-:'''Jerry Rude:''' How about this: When was your first gay experience?
+{{qf|Jerry Rude}} How about this: When was your first gay experience?
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Oh well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay, old time. Ho-ho, I ate my share of wieners that day.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay, old time. Ho-ho, I ate my share of wieners that day.
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' If a couple of Chinese bamboo gobblers can win people's hearts, I'm going to bring them something that man has searched for since the dawn of time!
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} If a couple of Chinese bamboo gobblers can win people's hearts, I'm going to bring them something that man has searched for since the dawn of time!
-:'''Homer:''' A sober Irishman?
+{{qf|Homer}} A sober Irishman?
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Even rarer.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Even rarer.
 ----
-:'''Homer:''' Do you really think you can capture the [[Loch Ness Monster]]? I mean, he's eluded {{Ch|Leonard Nimoy}} and [[Peter Graves]].
+{{qf|Homer}} Do you really think you can capture the [[Loch Ness Monster]]? I mean, he's eluded {{Ch|Leonard Nimoy}} and [[Peter Graves]].
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''[scoffs]'' Peter Graves couldn't find ugly at a Radcliffe mixer.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} ''[scoffs]'' Peter Graves couldn't find ugly at a Radcliffe mixer.
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Where's my monster, tubby? What do you people think I'm paying you for?
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Where's my monster, tubby? What do you people think I'm paying you for?
-:'''Homer:''' Uh, to work in your power plant?
+{{qf|Homer}} Uh, to work in your power plant?
-:'''[[Groundskeeper Willie]]:''' You're not paying me anything.
+{{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} You're not paying me anything.
-:'''[[Professor Frink]]:''' You kidnapped me! I remember it distinctly, with the grabbing and the duct taping and the tennis ball in the mouth that hurt me.
+{{qf|[[Professor Frink]]}} You kidnapped me! I remember it distinctly, with the grabbing and the duct taping and the tennis ball in the mouth that hurt me.
 ----
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' Now presenting the Ninth Wonder of the World, the eighth being [[Gomer Pyle]]'s heavenly singing voice, I give you the Loch Ness Monster!
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Now presenting the Ninth Wonder of the World, the eighth being [[Gomer Pyle]]'s heavenly singing voice, I give you the Loch Ness Monster!
 {{Season 10|Q}}

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{TabQ}}
-{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Old Man and the "C" Student|They Saved Lisa's Brain}}
+{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Old Man and the "C" Student|They Saved Lisa's Brain|season=10|number=224}}
 ----
+:'''Mr. Burns:''' Where's my monster, tubby? What do you people think I'm paying you for?
-:'''[[Homer]]:''' Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!
+:'''Homer:''' Uh, to work in your power plant?
-:'''Mr. Burns:''' You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank.
+:'''[[Groundskeeper Willie]]:''' You're not paying me anything.
+:'''[[Professor Frink]]:''' You kidnapped me! I remember it distinctly, with the grabbing and the duct taping and the tennis ball in the mouth that hurt me.
 ----
+:'''Mr. Burns:''' Now presenting the Ninth Wonder of the World, the eighth being [[Gomer Pyle]]'s heavenly singing voice, I give you the Loch Ness Monster!
 {{Season 10|Q}}

@@ Line 12: / Line 12: @@
 ----
-:'''[[Kent Brockman]:]''' Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!
+:'''[[Kent Brockman]]:''' Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!
 :'''[[Selma]]:''' Single? Well, he passes the Selma test.
 {{Season 10|Q}}

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{TabQ}}
 ----
-:'''Homer''': "Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!"
-:'''Mr. Burns''': "You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank."
+:'''[[Homer]]:''' Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!
 ----
-:'''[[Kent Brockman]]''': "Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!"
-:'''[[Selma Bouvier|Selma]]''': "Single? Well, he passes the Selma test."
+:'''[[Kent Brockman]:]''' Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!
 {{Season 10|Q}}

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 ----
 :'''Homer''': "Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!"
-:'''Burns''': "You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank."
+:'''Mr. Burns''': "You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank."
 ----
-:'''Kent''': "Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!"
+:'''[[Kent Brockman]]''': "Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!"
-:'''Selma''': "Single? Well, he passes the Selma test."
+:'''[[Selma Bouvier|Selma]]''': "Single? Well, he passes the Selma test."
 {{Season 10 Q}}

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 |episode=Monty Can't Buy Me Love
 }}
-:'''Jerry Rude''': Ever murder anybody?
+:'''Jerry Rude''': "Ever murder anybody?"
-:'''Mr. Burns''': Murder!? Well, mistakes have been made.
+:'''Mr. Burns''': "Murder!? Well, mistakes have been made."
 ----
-:'''Homer''': Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!
+:'''Homer''': "Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day, but to be hated; you don't have to do squat!"
-:'''Burns''': You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank.
+:'''Burns''': "You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked; I completely forgot who I am … I'm a selfish old crank."
 ----
-:'''Kent''': Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!
+:'''Kent''': "Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat, and it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way, girls, he's single!"
-:'''Selma''': Single? Well, he passes the Selma test.
+:'''Selma''': "Single? Well, he passes the Selma test."
 {{Season 10 Q}}