Land of the Lard - Revision history

SolarBot: /* Pt. 4 */ replaced: {{TBT|'''Message'''}} → {{Tapped Out Message}}

2025-06-26T17:08:15Z

‎Pt. 4: replaced: {{TBT|'''Message'''}} → {{Tapped Out Message}}

Solar Dragon at 20:57, April 21, 2025

2025-04-21T20:57:55Z

SolarBot: replaced: Eyeroll → Eye Roll (2)

2025-03-11T12:33:59Z

replaced: Eyeroll → Eye Roll (2)

SolarBot: replaced: … → ... (6)

2024-09-18T22:46:02Z

replaced: … → ... (6)

Solar Dragon at 22:43, September 15, 2024

2024-09-15T22:43:55Z

Solar Dragon: Created page with "{{Tapped Out Quest |name = Land of the Lard |image = |level = 5 |update = {{TOCU|Time Traveling Toaster}} |requirements = Act 1 |characters = Homer |optional = |previous..."

2024-09-15T22:42:59Z

Created page with "{{Tapped Out Quest |name = Land of the Lard |image = |level = 5 |update = {{TOCU|Time Traveling Toaster}} |requirements = Act 1 |characters = Homer |optional = |previous..."

New page

{{Tapped Out Quest
|name = Land of the Lard
|image =
|level = 5
|update = {{TOCU|Time Traveling Toaster}}
|requirements = Act 1
|characters = [[Homer]]
|optional =
|previous =
|next = {{TOQP|It's About Time|6}}
|event = yes
}}

'''Land of the Lard''' is an event-exclusive questline in ''[[The Simpsons: Tapped Out]]''. It was introduced in the {{TOCU|Time Traveling Toaster}} content update.

== Dialogue ==
=== Pt. 1 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Scared}}
{{TB|What could I possibly have done to make Marge fall for a billionaire like Artie, instead of a worthless drunk like me?}}
{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Nagging}}
{{TB|I'm assuming that in your timeline, the Lisa that's your daughter warned you not to alter the past.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Sarcastic}}
{{TB|That's why I love you, Lisa. In any universe, you're a shameless nag.}}
{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eyeroll}}
{{TB|Two things: first, Other Me told you so. Nah-nah-nah. And second, whatever tiny change you made to history, there has to be a way to undo it.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Serious}}
{{TB|Then I won't quit until I've set things aright. Or enough time has passed that I don't seem like too bad a guy for giving up!}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Homer Unchange the Future|4 hours|[[Homer's Workbench]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|After starting the job|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
{{TB|I've located the caveman most likely to be Artie's ancestor. But how to be sure…?}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|I'm Caveman Ziff!}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Serious}}
{{TB|Now all I gotta do is figure out how to stop him from ever having offspring, and modern-day Artie just disappears!}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Proud}}
{{TB|This is the nicest form of murder I've ever come up with. What a good guy I am!}}
{{THT|After finishing the task|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Annoyed}}
{{TB|Hey, Caveman Ziff! Where are all the other men? How come you stay at the cave all day, alone with the women?}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|Well, those troglodytes consider me a shameful weakling, unfit to join the clan's hunting party.}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|So I am left here… all day… alone with their wives… When you're the only available man, it hardly matters HOW pitiable you are.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
{{TB|Your very pathetic-ness is your greatest strength. Fascinating!}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|Thank you!}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Fossil|850}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 2 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Serious}}
{{TB|I need to show the cave ladies Artie is too big a coward to mate with. No matter HOW desperate they are. Bart, I need firecrackers.}}
{{Tapped Out Bart Icon|Confused}}
{{TB|I don't have any firecrackers.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|You're not in trouble, I will pay you. Please, tell me or else, and I love you.}}
{{Tapped Out Bart Icon}}
{{TB|All good reasons. Second drawer.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Homer Set Off Firecrackers|4 hours|[[Homer's Workbench]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|After starting the job|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Sarcastic}}
{{TB|Look! Look, Neander-babes! See how Caveman Ziff cowers from the fiery explosions!}}
{{THT|After finishing the task|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|Behold, ladies! I have created fire! Tremble at my extreme desirability!}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|D'oh}}
{{TB|D'oh!}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Fossil|850}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 3 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Lisa, if you needed to outsmart a primitive cave-person raised in an environment of complete ignorance, what would YOU do?}}
{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eyeroll}}
{{TB|You're smarter than a caveman. You've just got to be.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Happy}}
{{TB|I know! I'll crush him with a rock!}}
{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Deadpan}}
{{TB|I take that back.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
{{TB|I suppose I could get him drunk. Expose him to our modern, high-tech alcohols. Let him make a fool of himself.}}
{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Deadpan}}
{{TB|How needlessly complex. Give it a shot!}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Homer Leave a Keg for Caveman Artie|4 hours|[[Homer's Workbench]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Furious}}
{{TB|Hey, idiot! You're supposed to DRINK from the keg, not roll it around!}}
{{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
{{TB|Behold, women! Caveman Ziff has another amazing invention. First, fire. Now, the wheel! Swoon at my greatness!}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Scared}}
{{TB|At this rate, I'll return to a world populated entirely by Artie Ziffs.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Fossil|850}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 4 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Sarcastic}}
{{TB|You know what they say: if at first you don't succeed, and at second you suck even worse, go back to the first idea you had, but do it bigger.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Hey, Professor! What's the biggest explosion you can whip up in ten minutes or less?}}
{{Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon}}
{{TB|What's the rush? You DO have access to a time machine. Glayvin.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Skeptical}}
{{TB|I don't see your point. Chop chop!}}
{{Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|All righty. I WAS going to provide you with a small nuclear device, but owing to your profound and obvious imbecility, just take this rocket.}}
{{Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon}}
{{TB|Now leave me alone. Have fun destroying something.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Homer Fire a Rocket|4 hours|[[Homer's Workbench]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|After starting the job|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Sarcastic}}
{{TB|Behold, Cave honeys! Caveman Ziff, a very ugly and puny man, has meddled with the forces of nature, and now the gods are pissed!}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
{{TB|Let's see… how do you set this rocket off…?}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Surprised}}
{{TB|...}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Glassed Eye}}
{{TB|Uh, oh.}}
{{THT|After finishing the task|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|So, good news: I don't think Caveman Ziff is too popular with the ladies anymore. Bad news: we now know what wiped out the wooly mammoths.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Guilty}}
{{TB|And that all the saber-toothed tigers were crushed beneath falling wooly mammoths.}}
{{TBT|'''Message'''}}
{{TB|The story will continue in Act 2. Keep collecting Fossils and Hidden Gems to get more prizes!}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Fossil|2050}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

== Behind the Laughter ==
The quest name is a reference to the TV series ''{{W2|Land of the Lost|1974 TV series}}''.

{{Tapped Out Quests/Time Traveling Toaster}}

@@ Line 132: / Line 132: @@
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Guilty}}
 {{TB|And that all the saber-toothed tigers were crushed beneath falling wooly mammoths.}}
-{{TBT|'''Message'''}}
+{{Tapped Out Message}}
 {{TB|The story will continue in Act 2. Keep collecting Fossils and Hidden Gems to get more prizes!}}
 {{THT|Quest reward: {{Fossil|2050}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{Tapped Out Quest
 |name = Land of the Lard
-|image =
+|image = [[File:Tapped Out Time Traveling Toaster Sidebar.png|x100px]]
 |level = 5
 |update = {{TOCU|Time Traveling Toaster}}
@@ Line 7: / Line 7: @@
 |characters = [[Homer]]
 |optional =
 |previous = {{TOQP|It's About Time|6}}
 |next = [[Ice Age]]<br>[[A Mammoth Ranch]]<br>[[Medieval Camping Trip]]

@@ Line 24: / Line 24: @@
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Sarcastic}}
 {{TB|That's why I love you, Lisa. In any universe, you're a shameless nag.}}
-{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eyeroll}}
+{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eye Roll}}
 {{TB|Two things: first, Other Me told you so. Nah-nah-nah. And second, whatever tiny change you made to history, there has to be a way to undo it.}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Serious}}
@@ Line 80: / Line 80: @@
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
 {{TB|Lisa, if you needed to outsmart a primitive cave-person raised in an environment of complete ignorance, what would YOU do?}}
-{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eyeroll}}
+{{Tapped Out Lisa Icon|Eye Roll}}
 {{TB|You're smarter than a caveman. You've just got to be.}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Happy}}

@@ Line 31: / Line 31: @@
 {{THT|After starting the job|colspan=2}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
-{{TB|I've located the caveman most likely to be Artie's ancestor. But how to be sure…?}}
+{{TB|I've located the caveman most likely to be Artie's ancestor. But how to be sure...?}}
 {{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
 {{TB|I'm Caveman Ziff!}}
@@ Line 44: / Line 44: @@
 {{TB|Well, those troglodytes consider me a shameful weakling, unfit to join the clan's hunting party.}}
 {{Tapped Out Artie Ziff Icon|Caveman}}
-{{TB|So I am left here… all day… alone with their wives… When you're the only available man, it hardly matters HOW pitiable you are.}}
+{{TB|So I am left here... all day... alone with their wives... When you're the only available man, it hardly matters HOW pitiable you are.}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
 {{TB|Your very pathetic-ness is your greatest strength. Fascinating!}}
@@ Line 120: / Line 120: @@
 {{TB|Behold, Cave honeys! Caveman Ziff, a very ugly and puny man, has meddled with the forces of nature, and now the gods are pissed!}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Thoughtful}}
-{{TB|Let's see… how do you set this rocket off…?}}
+{{TB|Let's see... how do you set this rocket off...?}}
 {{Tapped Out Homer Icon|Surprised}}
 {{TB|...}}