Homer's Triple Bypass/Quotes - Revision history

SolarBot: /* top */replaced: Rabbi Krustofsky → Rabbi Krustofsky

2022-03-15T16:17:00Z

‎top: replaced: Rabbi Krustofsky → Rabbi Krustofsky

SolarBot: /* top */replaced: Reverend Lovejoy → Reverend Lovejoy

2022-03-10T22:44:18Z

‎top: replaced: Reverend Lovejoy → Reverend Lovejoy

37.228.239.156: Extended the "Now I know I haven't been the best [whatever]" quote to include Sadruddin Mabaradad

2021-01-21T05:16:29Z

Extended the "Now I know I haven't been the best [whatever]" quote to include Sadruddin Mabaradad

37.228.239.156: Tidied the quote involving the taped-over coronary bypass video

2021-01-21T05:00:58Z

Tidied the quote involving the taped-over coronary bypass video

37.228.239.156: Added the Mr. McGreg quote

2021-01-21T04:39:54Z

Added the Mr. McGreg quote

37.228.239.156: Extended the "The red thing's connected to my wristwatch" quote

2021-01-21T04:34:48Z

Extended the "The red thing's connected to my wristwatch" quote

37.228.239.156: Tidied the quote during Homer's first heart attack

2021-01-21T04:24:36Z

Tidied the quote during Homer's first heart attack

37.228.239.156: Tidied the "damn their oily hides" quote, and added Burns' angry demand at the end

2021-01-21T04:03:05Z

Tidied the "damn their oily hides" quote, and added Burns' angry demand at the end

SolarBot: /* top */

2020-03-06T21:37:30Z

‎top

2F13: formatting

2018-11-12T13:03:56Z

formatting

@@ Line 121: / Line 121: @@
 :''[Homer with [[Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there blah-blah-blahing, I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Well, anywho, can I have $40,000? ''[Lovejoy's eyes widen]''
-:''[cut to Homer with [[Hyman Krustofsky|Rabbi Krustofsky]]]''
+:''[cut to Homer with [[Rabbi Krustofsky]]]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyway, can I have $40,000?
 {{qf|Rabbi Krustofsky}} ''[raises eyebrows]'' Hmm?

@@ Line 119: / Line 119: @@
 {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone and there were all guys in red pyjamas sticking pitchforks in my butt!
 ----
-:''[Homer with [[Timothy Lovejoy, Jr.|Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
+:''[Homer with [[Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there blah-blah-blahing, I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Well, anywho, can I have $40,000? ''[Lovejoy's eyes widen]''
 :''[cut to Homer with [[Hyman Krustofsky|Rabbi Krustofsky]]]''

@@ Line 119: / Line 119: @@
 {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone and there were all guys in red pyjamas sticking pitchforks in my butt!
 ----
-:''[with [[Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
+:''[Homer with [[Timothy Lovejoy, Jr.|Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
-{{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Anyway, can I have $50,000? ''[Rev. Lovejoy's eyes widen]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there blah-blah-blahing, I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Well, anywho, can I have $40,000? ''[Lovejoy's eyes widen]''
-:''[with Rabbi Krustofsky]''
+:''[cut to Homer with [[Hyman Krustofsky|Rabbi Krustofsky]]]''
-{{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyhoo, can I have $50,000?
+{{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyway, can I have $40,000?
-{{qf|[[Rabbi Krustofsky]]}} Hmm?
+{{qf|Rabbi Krustofsky}} ''[raises eyebrows]'' Hmm?
 ----
 {{qf|Bart}} Any luck, Dad?

@@ Line 155: / Line 155: @@
 {{qf|Moe}} You know, Homer, that beer ain't free.
 ----
-{{qf|Doctor}} Insert the retractor and crank it until the ribs swing open like a rusty drawbridge. ''[crack/gush]''
+:''[At the medical library, Dr. Nick Riviera watches a video about how to do a coronary bypass]''
-{{qf|[[Dr. Nick]]}} ''[recoils]'' Ohh, no! Blood! Bleh!
+{{qf|Doctor}} Insert the retractor and crank it until the ribs swing open like a rusty drawbridge. ''[crack; gush]''
-{{qf|Doctor}} Next, make an incision in the coronary artery –
+{{qf|[[Dr. Nick]]}} ''[recoils]'' Oh, no! Blood! Ugh!
 {{qf|Host}} And we are back with more of ''People Who Look Like Things''.
-:''[Show a man with a cash register head; an old man with a palm tree; a broom head; a pumpkinhead; and a kettle head.]''
+:''[The guests are men with heads resembling a cash register, a palm tree, a sweeping brush, a pumpkin and a coffee pot, respectively]''
-{{qf|Dr. Nick}} Oh no, no, someone taped over the end of this!
+{{qf|Dr. Nick}} Oh, no! No! Someone taped over the end of this!
 {{qf|Pumpkinhead}} All we ask is to be treated with dignity and respect.
-{{qf|Host}} And a new candle now and then?
+{{qf|Host}} ''[sly]'' And a new candle now and then?
-{{qf|Pumpkinhead}} Yes, and a new – no!
+{{qf|Pumpkinhead}} Yes, and a new c-- ''[realizes]'' no! ''[scowls as the audience laughs]''
 ----
 {{qf|Homer}} Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by, if something happens. Let's see... er... Oh, I'm no good at this.

@@ Line 200: / Line 200: @@
 {{qf|Lisa}} ''[from the amphitheater]'' Hey! The incision in the coronary artery must be made below the blockage! Below!!
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} Thanks, little girl! ''[puts mask back on and starts singing]'' The knee bone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch... Uh oh.
 ----
 {{qf|Lisa}} All right, Dad!

@@ Line 197: / Line 197: @@
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The B is for Bargain!
 ----
-{{qf|Dr. Nick}} The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.
+{{qf|Dr. Nick}} I know I'm supposed to cut something, but what? ''[removes surgical mask]'' And where?
 ----
 {{qf|Lisa}} All right, Dad!

@@ Line 39: / Line 39: @@
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Bring him to me!!
 ----
-:''[A "window" shows Homer's heart, beating fast]''
+:''[Homer stands worriedly in Mr. Burns' office; a "window" shows his heart beating fast]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
 {{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} ...and goodbye! You're fired!
-{{qf|Homer}} ''[gags; his heart speeds up]''
+{{qf|Homer}} ''[gags; his heart beats faster]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} But, wait. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. You are highly skilled...
-{{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down again]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} ...at goofing off!
-{{qf|Homer}} Aaargh! ''[heart beats faster]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Uuurgh! ''[clutches his chest as his heart beats even faster]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really dig...
-{{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down once more]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} ...a grave for!
-{{qf|Homer}} Aaargh! ''[heart beats faster]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Uuurrgghh!! ''[clutches his chest as his heart beats extremely fast]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Your indolence is inefficacious!
-{{qf|Homer}} ''[stares blankly; his heart beats normally]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Huh? ''[stares blankly; his heart beats normally]''
-{{qf|Mr. Burns}} That means, you're terrible!
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} That means you're terrible!!
-{{qf|Homer}} Aarrggghh! ''[his heart goes crazy and he collapses; his astral body rises from Homer's physical body]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Aaaaarrrggghhh!! ''[his heart goes crazy; the "window" shatters and he collapses]''
-{{qf|Smithers}} ''[examines Homer]'' Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Hmm?
-{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh dear. Send a ham to his widow.
+{{qf|Smithers}} ''[examines Homer]'' Mr. Burns, I think he's dead. ''[as he says this, Homer's astral body rises from Homer's physical body]''
-{{qf|Homer's astral body}} Mmm...ham... ''[returns to Homer's body]''
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh, dear. Send a ham to his widow.
 {{qf|Smithers}} No, wait. He's alive.
-{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh good. Cancel the ham.
+{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh, good. Cancel the ham!
 {{qf|Homer}} D'oh!
 ----

@@ Line 32: / Line 32: @@
 {{qf|Attendant}} You're a dull boy, Billy.
 ----
-{{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} ''[about Homer's eating donuts]'' Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! ''[cackles evilly, then stops abruptly]'' There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
+:''[Mr. Burns, watching his bank of monitors, sees Homer eating donuts]''
-{{qf|[[Smithers]]}} Err... no, Sir. I discussed this with our [[Blue-haired lawyer|lawyer]]s and they consider it murder.
+{{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Look at that pig, stuffing his face with donuts on *my time*! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! ''[chuckles evilly, then stops abruptly]'' There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?
-{{qf|Mr. Burns}} Damn their oily hides!
+{{qf|[[Smithers]]}} Err... no, Sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. They consider it murder.
 ----
 :''[A "window" shows Homer's heart, beating fast]''

@@ Line 60: / Line 60: @@
 ----
 {{qf|Homer}} D'oh!
---------
+----
 {{qf|Marge}} ''[answers the phone]'' Hello... Yes? Oh my Lord! Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart! ''[leaves]''
 {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Oh my God.

@@ Line 23: / Line 23: @@
 ----
 :''[At the gas station]''
 {{qf|Homer}} I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
 :''[The noise is heard between Homer and an attendant he speaks to.]''
 {{qf|Attendant}} It's your heart. And I think it's on its last thump.
 {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I thought it was my transmission. ''[drives away]''
@@ Line 40: / Line 37: @@
 ----
 :''[A "window" shows Homer's heart, beating fast]''
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
 {{qf|Homer}} Whew... ''[heart slows down]''
@@ Line 59: / Line 55: @@
 {{qf|Smithers}} ''[examines Homer]'' Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh dear. Send a ham to his widow.
+{{qf|Homer's astral body}} Mmm...ham... ''[returns to Homer's body]''
 {{qf|Smithers}} No, wait. He's alive.
 {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Oh good. Cancel the ham.
@@ Line 80: / Line 74: @@
 ----
 :''[Homer stands behind an X-ray machine]''
 {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Now what you see here is the radioactive dye flowing through your husband's circulatory system.
 {{qf|Nurse}} But Doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet!
@@ Line 103: / Line 96: @@
 {{qf|Homer}} Don't worry, Marge. [[USA|America]]'s health care system is second only to [[Japan]], [[Canada]], [[Sweden]], [[Great Britain]], well, all of Europe, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in [[Paraguay]]!
 ----
-:''[Homer's at "Happy Widow's Insurance"]''
+:''[Homer's at [[Merry Widow Insurance Co.]]]''
 {{qf|Clerk}} Now before we give you health insurance, I have to ask you a few questions.
 {{qf|Homer}} Questions! Questions! My whole scheme down the -- ''[realizes]'' I mean ask away.
@@ Line 117: / Line 109: @@
 {{qf|Clerk}} That doesn't count!
 {{qf|Homer}} Looks like an X.
 :''[The clerk manages to pull it away.]''
 {{qf|Clerk}} We better get you to a hospital.
 {{qf|Homer}} Can I have a free calendar?
@@ Line 127: / Line 117: @@
 ----
 :''[with [[Reverend Lovejoy]]]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Anyway, can I have $50,000? ''[Rev. Lovejoy's eyes widen]''
 :''[with Rabbi Krustofsky]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyhoo, can I have $50,000?
 {{qf|[[Rabbi Krustofsky]]}} Hmm?