Homer's Colonoscopy/Quotes - Revision history

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2020-12-11T15:09:27Z

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Mythigator: Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} :''[It's a pleasant day at the Simpson home ...]'' :'''Marge''': Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age c..."

2020-07-04T21:15:45Z

Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} :''[It's a pleasant day at the Simpson home ...]'' :'''Marge''': Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age c..."

New page

{{TabQ|nogags}}

:''[It's a pleasant day at [[742 Evergreen Terrace|the Simpson home]] ...]''
:'''[[Marge]]''': Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get.
:'''[[Homer]]''': You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be.
:'''Marge''': ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{w|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}.
:'''Homer''': Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment.
:''[Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]''
:'''Homer''': ''[reading from dictionary]'' "A colonoscopy is an endoscopic examination of the large—" ''[moans in frustration]'' Ohhh, I don't understand!
:'''Marge''': They stick a camera up your "uh-oh", but this time you won't be doing it to win a bar bet.
:'''Homer''': ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal!
----
:''[The scene shifts to the colonoscopy appointment.]''
:'''[[Colorectal surgeon|Doctor]]''': Welcome to the {{w|Mayo Clinic}}.
:'''Homer''': [[Mmm...]] mayo.
:'''Doctor''': I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and—
:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie!
:'''Doctor''': Now, Homer, breathe into this mask.
:''[The {{w|Anesthesiologist|anesthesiologist}} holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]''
:'''Doctor''': He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost.
----
:''[With Homer unconscious, the doctor and his team begin the procedure.]''
:'''Marge''': Will he be all right, Doctor?
:'''Doctor''': Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{w|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{w|Moby Dick (whale)|Moby Dick}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?!
:'''Marge''': ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished!
:'''Doctor''': ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]''
:'''Marge''': You cut them out?
:'''Doctor''': Oh, we don't use that term. We prefer "rip".
----
:''[Thirty minutes later, Homer wakes up.]''
:'''Homer''': I feel great! ''[stands up on the examination table]'' Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah!
:''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{w|George Frideric Handel|Handel}}'s ''{{w|Messiah (Handel)|Messiah}}''. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]''
:'''Homer''': Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]''
:'''Doctor''': Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you!
:'''Homer''': I'll return it after [[Lisa]]'s recital. Hallelujah!
:''[Homer leaves the room, pulling the monitor cart behind him by the camera cable.]''
:'''Voice-over''': Not a dramatization. This is footage of an actual colonoscopy.

@@ Line 3: / Line 3: @@
 {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get.
 {{qf|[[Homer]]}} You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be.
-{{qf|Marge}} ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{w|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}.
+{{qf|Marge}} ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{W|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}.
 {{qf|Homer}} Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment.
 :''[Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]''
@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 {{qf|Homer}} ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal!
 ----
-{{qf|[[Colorectal surgeon]]}} Welcome to the {{w|Mayo Clinic}}.
+{{qf|[[Colorectal surgeon]]}} Welcome to the {{W|Mayo Clinic}}.
 {{qf|Homer}} [[Mmm...]] mayo.
 {{qf|Doctor}} I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and—
 {{qf|Homer}} ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie!
 {{qf|Doctor}} Now, Homer, breathe into this mask.
-:''[The {{w|Anesthesiologist|anesthesiologist}} holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]''
+:''[The {{W|Anesthesiologist|anesthesiologist}} holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]''
 {{qf|Doctor}} He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost.
 ----
 {{qf|Marge}} Will he be all right, Doctor?
-{{qf|Doctor}} Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{w|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{W2|Moby Dick|whale}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?!
+{{qf|Doctor}} Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{W|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{W2|Moby Dick|whale}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?!
 {{qf|Marge}} ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished!
 {{qf|Doctor}} ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]''
@@ Line 26: / Line 26: @@
 ----
 {{qf|Homer}} I feel great! ''[stands up on the examination table]'' Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah!
-:''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{w|George Frideric Handel|Handel}}'s ''{{W2|Messiah|Handel}}''. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]''
+:''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{W|George Frideric Handel|Handel}}'s ''{{W2|Messiah|Handel}}''. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]''
 {{qf|Homer}} Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]''
 {{qf|Doctor}} Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you!

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{TabQ|nogags}}
-:''[It's a pleasant day at [[742 Evergreen Terrace|the Simpson home]] ...]''
+{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get.
-:'''[[Marge]]''': Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get.
+{{qf|[[Homer]]}} You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be.
-:'''[[Homer]]''': You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be.
+{{qf|Marge}} ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{w|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}.
-:'''Marge''': ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{w|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}.
+{{qf|Homer}} Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment.
 :''[Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]''
-:'''Homer''': ''[reading from dictionary]'' "A colonoscopy is an endoscopic examination of the large—" ''[moans in frustration]'' Ohhh, I don't understand!
+{{qf|Homer}} ''[reading from dictionary]'' "A colonoscopy is an endoscopic examination of the large—" ''[moans in frustration]'' Ohhh, I don't understand!
-:'''Marge''': They stick a camera up your "uh-oh", but this time you won't be doing it to win a bar bet.
+{{qf|Marge}} They stick a camera up your "uh-oh", but this time you won't be doing it to win a bar bet.
-:'''Homer''': ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal!
+{{qf|Homer}} ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal!
 ----
-:''[The scene shifts to the colonoscopy appointment.]''
+{{qf|[[Colorectal surgeon]]}} Welcome to the {{w|Mayo Clinic}}.
-:'''[[Colorectal surgeon|Doctor]]''': Welcome to the {{w|Mayo Clinic}}.
+{{qf|Homer}} [[Mmm...]] mayo.
-:'''Homer''': [[Mmm...]] mayo.
+{{qf|Doctor}} I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and—
-:'''Doctor''': I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and—
+{{qf|Homer}} ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie!
-:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie!
+{{qf|Doctor}} Now, Homer, breathe into this mask.
 :''[The {{w|Anesthesiologist|anesthesiologist}} holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]''
-:'''Doctor''': He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost.
+{{qf|Doctor}} He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost.
 ----
-:''[With Homer unconscious, the doctor and his team begin the procedure.]''
+{{qf|Marge}} Will he be all right, Doctor?
-:'''Marge''': Will he be all right, Doctor?
+{{qf|Doctor}} Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{w|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{W2|Moby Dick|whale}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?!
-:'''Doctor''': Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{w|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{W2|Moby Dick|whale}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?!
+{{qf|Marge}} ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished!
-:'''Marge''': ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished!
+{{qf|Doctor}} ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]''
-:'''Doctor''': ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]''
+{{qf|Marge}} You cut them out?
-:'''Marge''': You cut them out?
+{{qf|Doctor}} Oh, we don't use that term. We prefer "rip".
 ----
-:''[Thirty minutes later, Homer wakes up.]''
+{{qf|Homer}} I feel great! ''[stands up on the examination table]'' Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah!
 :''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{w|George Frideric Handel|Handel}}'s ''{{W2|Messiah|Handel}}''. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]''
-:'''Homer''': Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]''
+{{qf|Homer}} Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]''
-:'''Doctor''': Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you!
+{{qf|Doctor}} Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you!
-:'''Homer''': I'll return it after [[Lisa]]'s recital. Hallelujah!
+{{qf|Homer}} I'll return it after [[Lisa]]'s recital. Hallelujah!
 :''[Homer leaves the room, pulling the monitor cart behind him by the camera cable.]''
-:'''Voice-over''': Not a dramatization. This is footage of an actual colonoscopy.
+{{qf|Voice-over}} Not a dramatization. This is footage of an actual colonoscopy.