https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Habeas_Tortoise%2FQuotes 2026-04-10T15:12:42Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.29.0 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Habeas_Tortoise/Quotes&diff=1178487&oldid=prev 2022-09-27T13:25:35Z

<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Poorhouse Rock|One Angry Lisa}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Helen_Lovejoy" title="Helen Lovejoy">Helen Lovejoy</a>}} I&#039;ve noticed lately that people have been putting up quite a few little DIY free librar...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Poorhouse Rock|One Angry Lisa}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Helen Lovejoy]]}} I've noticed lately that people have been putting up quite a few little DIY free libraries all over town.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[to Marge]'' What's DIY stand for?<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Do it yourself.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm trying to but I can't.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} I like those little libraries. Unlike the public school library, these have books written after 1945. The children think Iceland is still a kingdom.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Homer Simpson here. Today I'm standing, even in the presence of a chair, to say what if we took all the little free book huts and moved them into one big building open to everybody?<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny Leonard]]}} Do you mean like... a library?<br /> :''[everyone starts to laugh at Homer]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[to his reflection]'' Am I really a stupid man?<br /> {{qf|Homer's reflection}} I... Well, uh... Sorry, reflections can't talk. Got to go.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Did you see how the credit card thing at the ticket booth told me to remove my card, like I didn't know how to do it? Then it got stuck 'cause I didn't know how to do it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Mom, it's late, I'm worried. Why isn't Dad at Moe's? Is Moe all right?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths searching for Leonard. Can we look at your door camera footage?<br /> {{qf|[[Gary Chalmers]]}} Oh, of course. And, um, I'd love to join the group. But, uh, you guys probably already have, uh, a superintendent.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} we do now.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I don't need to show off for you, Marge. You already bought the cow. I finally have a group of friends who think I'm smart. Who haven't used a skeptical emoji with a monocle even once with me.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} Um, is this genuine [[Mrs. McClellan's Evidence Yarn]]? Fancy.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why, yes, it is. Illuminati strength. Nine out of ten scientists are afraid of it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Miss Hoover]]}} Oh, then I want to say I agree with Gil about the zoo director. We should board it.<br /> {{qf|Gary Chalmers}} Has anybody dug through the tortoise scat yet? Maybe he was being used as a drug mule.<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} Board it.<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} Perhaps Leonard's seed was required by scientists who want to breed slower horses.<br /> {{qf|[[Gil Gunderson]] and Miss Hoover}} Board it!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Springfield Zoo director]]}} Please stop these protests. Why would I kidnap an animal? That's what a zoo is: a bunch of kidnapped animals.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Uh-oh, body camera's on. Don't worry, I can erase it with a paper clip. They, uh, they taught us how.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, did you kidnap Leonard?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} No, I didn't commit the crime. I did something much worse. I solved it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Wait, so after following all those crazy leads, you found Leonard by going down an actual rabbit hole?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, so?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Don't you see the irony?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, now I don't get it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh, you have to tell them the truth.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Well, the truth is different these days. It's more of a hunch you're willing to die for.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} No, it's not!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Look, we have Slow Leonard. He wasn't kidnapped. Real, living turtle!<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} Let's talk sense here. The most obvious explanation is the one that's before our very eyes.<br /> {{qf|Everyone}} Hey, it's true. Yeah. Uh-huh.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, thank God.<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} This is not Slow Leonard, this is a robot.<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} A robot built by Homeland Security to scan our tongues to see whom we've kissed.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I've heard there's a cartoon show that can predict the future. Maybe we can watch it and find out what's going to happen.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Board it.<br /> <br /> {{Season 34|Q}}</div>

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