https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Apu_on_Rigel_7%2FQuotes 2026-06-17T13:39:50Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.29.0 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Apu_on_Rigel_7/Quotes&diff=1470800&oldid=prev 2026-06-16T13:45:23Z

<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ|nogags}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Mr._Burns" class="mw-redirect" title="Mr. Burns">Mr. Burns</a>}} And now, Smithers, let us behold my long-awaited teleport! Bow down to it, Smithers! Bow down! {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Waylon_Smithers" class="mw-redirect" title="Waylon Smithers">Waylon Smithers</a>}} Mr. Burns, I do...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ|nogags}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} And now, Smithers, let us behold my long-awaited teleport! Bow down to it, Smithers! Bow down!<br /> {{qf|[[Waylon Smithers]]}} Mr. Burns, I don't mean to question your omniscience, but the teleport looks more like a [[Kwik-E-Mart]] hot dog warmer.<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Confound those pesky Russkies!<br /> {{qf|Smithers}} Look at the bright side, sir, we can warm our weenies on it!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} If this is a hot dog warmer, where is my particle teleport?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Apu]]}} At last! My Kwik-E-Mart brand hot dog warmer has arrived. Without it, I cannot free my choice edibles from their clammy, gelatinous casing.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Mmm...claaaaammy, gelatinous casing.<br /> {{qf|Apu}} Mr. Homer! You should not eat raw pork. You will get worms!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Nonsense! I've eaten raw hot dogs my whole life, and I've never had a problem with worms!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, there seems to be Chinese writing all over it!<br /> {{qf|Apu}} That is not Chinese. It is Russian! Luckily all children in India must learn at least 7 languages to properly compete in the international business world!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kang]]}} We must overthrow the evil dictator and free our comrades!<br /> {{qf|Apu}} ''[thinking]'' I dare not answer or he will see that I have murdered his beloved sister who has no doubt reincarnated into a higher life form—like a sea monkey.<br /> {{qf|Kang}} [[Kodos]]?<br /> {{qf|Apu}} I accidentally killed your sister, Kodos, when I materialized on top of her.<br /> {{qf|Kang}} Foolish Earth man! Do you know how many times I've heard the excuse, &quot;I just materialized on top of her&quot;?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kang}} I know! We can help each other! I will fix your teleporter if you help me destroy the evil Rigelian dictator!<br /> {{qf|Apu}} To destroy a corrupt dictator of another civilization is completely offensive to my religion, but okay.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Apu}} How did this dictator take over your world?<br /> {{qf|Kang}} He had superior fighting skills with his &quot;board and nail&quot; technique. He overthrew our previous president whom we put into power with a democratic election.<br /> {{qf|Apu}} You have democratic elections?<br /> {{qf|Kang}} Well, it isn't exactly democratic. Ours is not a legitimate democracy like your United States. Our elections are bought by special interest groups who flood the media with inflammatory and exaggerated advertising to influence a poorly informed public.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Smithos]]}} Sir, you make a great dictator!<br /> {{qf|[[Burnzak]]}} Don't interrupt me Smithos the Brown! And don't call me tator!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Smithos}} Jump on my back Mr. Burns--I mean, Burnzak! Sir, it is a privilege and an honor to be ground to hamburger while you climb to safety.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Why this isn't a super-growth beam! Smithers, it appears to be a nacho cheese dispenser!<br /> {{qf|Smithers}} It does say Kwik-E-Mart on the side.<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Dad-blast those pesky Russians! Every time they send me something valuable, it gets switched with a piece of Kwik-E-Mart junk!<br /> {{qf|[[Walt Disney]]}} Hey! What about me?!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Shut up, Walt!<br /> <br /> [[Category:The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror stories quotes]]</div>

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