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<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ|nogags}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Chief_Wiggum" class="mw-redirect" title="Chief Wiggum">Chief Wiggum</a>}} You wanna be a cop like your old man...don&#039;t cha, Ralph? {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Ralph_Wiggum" title="Ralph Wiggum">Ralph Wiggum</a>}} I dunno. My girlfriend Lisa says that cops are an aut...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ|nogags}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} You wanna be a cop like your old man...don't cha, Ralph?<br /> {{qf|[[Ralph Wiggum]]}} I dunno. My girlfriend Lisa says that cops are an auth-ori-something or other and are bad.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Women love a man in a uniform.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} I wanna be a nurse!<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Well, that's great Ralphie. Male nurses are a growing and accepted field today.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} I wanna be a lady nurse! My teeth itch!<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Okay, Ralphie. That's enough.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny Leonard]]}} Hey, Homer, you're the safety inspector. There's this weird noise coming from sector 13.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I'm dealing with a stale donut situation here, Lenny. The entire world doesn't revolve around this power plant.<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} This is a real emergency, Homer.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oooooh... Okay. I guess my problems take a back seat as usual.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why does everything in a nuclear plant have to be so complicated? I knew I should have read the manual.<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Er... Homer, should filter A be spurting out like that?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I just said I never read the manual, Lenny!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} D'oh! The black smoke is filling the sky! No way I'm getting employee of the month now! Must get back home... Save what I love the most! Marge... Bart... Lisa... The other one... TV... And beeeeeeeer!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Sideshow Bob! Shouldn't you be in prison for the attempted murder of a minor?<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Bob]]}} I'm currently enjoying time off for good behavior, thanks to the enlightened vicissitudes of our criminal justice program... Thank you, Chief Wiggum.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Oh... Okay then.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Moe turned into an abomination! Hmm... No big difference, really.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Professor Frink]]}} My second guess would be that Springfield has been invaded by an alien parasite that changes humans into human leeches thirsting for blood.<br /> {{qf|[[Apu]]}} I believe they are called vampires.<br /> {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} That is an outrageous and groundless claim. As anyone knows, vampires only exist in half-human form and fight crime. We must simply wait here until the day-walker rescues us, stupid.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} Can I pet your doggy?<br /> {{qf|Zombie Vampire Homer}} No dog. Not doggy any more.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} Is it a robot? Do strawberry gumballs come out of its butt?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} It's going to be sunny. I'm getting my swimming costume!<br /> {{qf|Apu}} I would happily join you, but I am afraid I would swim in circles and drown.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} I drown a lot!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Oh, Apu, I'm so sorry that we tried to kill and eat you.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Now that the sun's come out, we all appear to be cured. I'm going straight back to veganism.<br /> {{qf|Apu}} Oh well, it was a common mistake to make, and you are a good customer.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Hold on. If we're all better, why are dad and Chief Wiggum still fighting?<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Didn't you hear? Dad said Wiggum has bat breath!<br /> <br /> [[Category:The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror stories quotes]]</div>

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