22 Short Films About Springfield/Quotes - Revision history

186.225.235.83 at 00:46, October 10, 2025

2025-10-10T00:46:15Z

67.160.141.137: Jasper asks for a "Van Heflin," a mid-20th century actor.

2022-05-03T00:45:36Z

Jasper asks for a "Van Heflin," a mid-20th century actor.

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2020-03-05T12:55:42Z

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2020-02-22T22:04:20Z

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2F13: linking, formatting

2018-12-25T11:11:58Z

linking, formatting

Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)

2018-12-25T10:54:43Z

Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)

Show changes

97.100.77.3 at 02:25, February 11, 2018

2018-02-11T02:25:10Z

SolarBot: General fixes

2014-05-21T13:08:09Z

General fixes

SolarBot: clean up, removed: {{Social}}

2013-06-27T11:35:36Z

clean up, removed: {{Social}}

SolarBot: Adding social tools

2013-06-27T08:05:29Z

Adding social tools

@@ Line 25: / Line 25: @@
 {{qf|Chalmers}} For steamed hams?
 {{qf|Skinner}} Yes.
-{{qf|Chalmers}} Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.
+{{qf|Chalmers}} Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
 {{qf|Skinner}} Y-- You know th—One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
 {{qf|Chalmers}} Of course.

@@ Line 75: / Line 75: @@
 ----
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} All right! Free nose jobs for everybody. Ugh, you first! ''[points to Jasper]''
-{{qf|[[Jasper]]}} Give me a "Van Hefferin".
+{{qf|[[Jasper]]}} Gimme a "Van Heflin."
 ----
 {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Barney, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?

@@ Line 98: / Line 98: @@
 {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Example.
 {{qf|Lou}} Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
-{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Get out… well what do they call it?
+{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Get out... well what do they call it?
 {{qf|Lou}} A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
-{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese, but… uh. Do they have Krusty Partially Gelagnated Non Dairy Gum Based Beverages?
+{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese, but... uh. Do they have Krusty Partially Gelagnated Non Dairy Gum Based Beverages?
 {{qf|Lou}} Mmm hmm, they call 'em Shakes.
 {{qf|Eddie}} Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin.

@@ Line 26: / Line 26: @@
 {{qf|Skinner}} Yes.
 {{qf|Chalmers}} Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.
-{{qf|Skinner}} Y-- You know th-- One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
+{{qf|Skinner}} Y-- You know th—One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
 {{qf|Chalmers}} Of course.
 :''[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire. He then yawns.]''
 {{qf|Skinner}} Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
-{{qf|Chalmers}} Yes, I should be-- Good lord! What is happening in there?!
+{{qf|Chalmers}} Yes, I should be—Good lord! What is happening in there?!
 {{qf|Skinner}} Aurora Borealis?
 {{qf|Chalmers}} A...Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?

@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 {{qf|[[Gary Chalmers]]}} Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
 {{qf|Skinner}} Ughhh, ooh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!
-:''[Skinner runs across to [[Krusty Burger]] to buy burgers to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with them]''
+:''[Skinner runs across to [[Krusty Burger]] to buy burgers to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with them.]''
 {{qf|Skinner}} Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
 {{qf|Chalmers}} I thought we were having 'steamed clams'.
@@ Line 16: / Line 16: @@
 {{qf|Skinner}} Yes. It's a regional dialect.
 {{qf|Chalmers}} Uh-huh. What region?
-{{qf|Skinner}} Uh... upstate New York.
+{{qf|Skinner}} Uh... upstate [[New York]].
 {{qf|Chalmers}} Really. Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
 {{qf|Skinner}} Oh not in Utica, no. It's an [[Albany]] expression.
 {{qf|Chalmers}} I see.
-:''[Skinner and the Superintendent eat]''
+:''[Skinner and the Superintendent eat.]''
 {{qf|Chalmers}} I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
 {{qf|Skinner}} Haha, oh no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
@@ Line 36: / Line 36: @@
 {{qf|Chalmers}} May I see it?
 {{qf|Skinner}} No.
-{{qf|Agnes}} Seymour, the house is on fire!
+{{qf|[[Agnes]]}} Seymour, the house is on fire!
 {{qf|Skinner}} No, Mother, it's just the Northern Lights.
 ----
-{{qf|Bart}} Milhouse, do you ever think about the people in those cars?
+{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Milhouse, do you ever think about the people in those cars?
 {{qf|Milhouse}} I try not to. It makes it harder to spit on 'em.
 ----
 {{qf|Radio Ad}} ''Swing Serenade'' is brought to you by Gorman's Ear Guards. GUARD YOUR EARS! - with Gorman's.
 ----
-{{qf|Lisa}} Mom, Dad threw his beer can at the Miracle Grow guy on TV. Can I recycle it?
+{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Mom, Dad threw his beer can at the Miracle Grow guy on TV. Can I recycle it?
-{{qf|Marge}} Why not?
+{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Why not?
 ----
 {{qf|Lisa}} Waaah! Augh! There's gum in my hair! Mom! Someone threw gum in my hair!
@@ Line 62: / Line 62: @@
 {{qf|[[Dr. Nick]]}} Holy smokes! You need booze!
 ----
-:''[At the Medical Review Board]''
+:''[At the Medical Review Board.]''
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} Hi, everybody.
 {{qf|Review Board}} Hi, Dr. Nick.
@@ Line 68: / Line 68: @@
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} But I clean them with my napkin.
 {{qf|Head Review Board Member}} Misuse of the cadavers.
-{{qf|''Dr. Nick''}}''' '''I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.'''
+{{qf|Dr. Nick}} I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.
 ----
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} Hi, everybody! Now, tell Dr. Nick where is the trouble.
-{{qf|Grampa}} I'm itchy! I've got ants in my pants! I'm discombobulated! Give me a calmative!
+{{qf|[[Grampa]]}} I'm itchy! I've got ants in my pants! I'm discombobulated! Give me a calmative!
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} Slow down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!
 ----
 {{qf|Dr. Nick}} All right! Free nose jobs for everybody. Ugh, you first! ''[points to Jasper]''
-{{qf|Jasper}} Give me a "Van Hefferin".
+{{qf|[[Jasper]]}} Give me a "Van Hefferin".
 ----
-{{qf|Moe}} Barney, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
+{{qf|[[Moe]]}} Barney, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
-{{qf|Barney}} Yeah, we all had a good laugh, Moe.
+{{qf|[[Barney]]}} Yeah, we all had a good laugh, Moe.
 {{qf|Moe}} The results came back today. You owe me 70 billion dollars.
 {{qf|Barney}} Mmmph!?
@@ Line 116: / Line 116: @@
 {{qf|Ned}} Why don't you freeze it with an ice cube, and hit it with a hammer? Works for me when I get bubbly-gum in the old push-broom.
 ----
-:"''The Slack-Jawed Yokel''" song
+:''["The Slack-Jawed Yokel" song.]''
 {{qf|Singers}} Most folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll, like Cletus, the Slack-Jawed Yokel. Molk folk'll never lose a toe, but then again, some folk'll, like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
 ----
-{{qf|Cletus}} ''[holds up a pair of dirty boots]'' Hey, Brandine. You might could wear these to your job interview.
+{{qf|[[Cletus]]}} ''[holds up a pair of dirty boots]'' Hey, Brandine. You might could wear these to your job interview.
-{{qf|Brandine}} And scuff up the topless dancin' runway? Naw, you best bring 'em back where from ya got 'em.
+{{qf|[[Brandine]]}} And scuff up the topless dancin' runway? Naw, you best bring 'em back where from ya got 'em.
 {{qf|Cletus}} Okay. ''[to boots]'' Back you go, to wait for a woman o' less discriminatin' taste.
 ----
 {{qf|Cletus}} ''[on top of a telephone pole]'' Hey, you know what? I could call my ma while I'm up here. ''[yells]'' Hey, maw! Get off the dang roof!
 ----
-{{qf|Kirk}} Uuuh, can my son use your bathroom?
+{{qf|[[Kirk]]}} Uuuh, can my son use your bathroom?
 {{qf|Milhouse}} You've gotta say yeeeesss!
-{{qf|Herman}} Okay, but be quick. And come back.
+{{qf|[[Herman]]}} Okay, but be quick. And come back.
 {{qf|Kirk}} Uuuh, so uh, n-nice store. Uuuh. When I was a kid this used to be a pet store. Ahah. Yeah. Right over there against that wall was the cutest little..
 {{qf|Herman}} ''[loads gun]'' Get in the corner!
@@ Line 133: / Line 133: @@
 ----
 {{qf|[[Very Tall Man]]}} ''[lifts Nelson out of the sewer by his head after Nelson makes fun of him]'' Do you find something comical about my appearance when I'm driving my automobile?
-{{qf|Nelson}} Yeah.
+{{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Yeah.
 {{qf|Very Tall Man}} Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. ''[turns Nelson to face the car]'' This was the largest auto that I could afford. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?
 {{qf|Nelson}} I guess so.
 ----
-:''[The tall guy forces Nelson to march down Main Street with his pants down; he drives slowly behind him]''
+:''[The tall guy forces Nelson to march down [[Main Street]] with his pants down; he drives slowly behind him]''
 {{qf|Very Tall Man}} Hey, everybody! Look at this, it's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him!
 {{qf|Crowd}} HA-ha!
@@ Line 143: / Line 143: @@
 {{qf|Milhouse}} Everybody in town's got their story to tell.
 {{qf|Bart}} There's just not enough time to hear them all.
-{{qf|Professor Frink}} Ah, ah, uh, sorry I'm late, there was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying. One of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head ''[end credits start]'' uh, no wait, please no, please I have a funny story! I even wrote theme music! Professor Frink, Professor Frink. He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think.He likes to run and then the thing with the... um, person..... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay.
+{{qf|[[Professor Frink]]}} Ah, ah, uh, sorry I'm late, there was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying. One of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head ''[end credits start]'' uh, no wait, please no, please I have a funny story! I even wrote theme music! Professor Frink, Professor Frink. He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think.He likes to run and then the thing with the... um, person... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay.
 {{Season 7|Q}}

@@ Line 6: / Line 6: @@
 :'''Comic Book Guy:''' Ugh, you may purchase this charming Hamburglar adventure, a child has already solved the jumble using crayons. The answer is 'fries'.
 ----
-:'''[[Seymour Skinner]]:''' Oh Superintendent, I was just, er, stretching my calves of the windowsill, isometric exercise. Care to join me?
+:'''[[Seymour Skinner]]:''' Superintendent, I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
-:'''[[Gary Chalmers]]:''' Er, right. Seymour why is there smoke coming out of your oven?
+:'''[[Gary Chalmers]]:''' Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
-:'''Skinner:''' Oh no! That isn't smoke, that's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm steam clams.
+:'''Skinner:''' Ughhh, ooh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!
 :''[Skinner runs across to [[Krusty Burger]] to buy burgers to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with them]''
-:'''Skinner:''' Well Superintendent I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
+:'''Skinner:''' Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
-:'''Chalmers:''' I thought you said we were having 'steamed clams'?
+:'''Chalmers:''' I thought we were having 'steamed clams'.
 :'''Skinner:''' Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'. That's what I call hamburgers.
 :'''Chalmers:''' You call hamburgers steamed hams?
-:'''Skinner:''' Yes. It's a, regional dialect.
+:'''Skinner:''' Yes. It's a regional dialect.
-:'''Chalmers:''' Oh yeah? What region?
+:'''Chalmers:''' Uh-huh. What region?
-:'''Skinner:''' Er, upstate New York.
+:'''Skinner:''' Uh... upstate New York.
-:'''Chalmers:''' Really. Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard the phrase 'steamed hams' before.
+:'''Chalmers:''' Really. Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
-:'''Skinner:''' Oh no, not in Utica it's an, [[Albany]] expression.
+:'''Skinner:''' Oh not in Utica, no. It's an [[Albany]] expression.
-:'''Chalmers:''' I see. You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger?
+:'''Chalmers:''' I see.
 :'''Skinner:''' Haha, oh no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
 :'''Chalmers:''' For steamed hams?
 :'''Skinner:''' Yes.
-:'''Chalmers:''' Yes and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.
+:'''Chalmers:''' Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.
-:'''Skinner:''' Uh you know... One thing I should... excuse me for one second.
+:'''Skinner:''' Y-- You know th-- One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
 :'''Chalmers:''' Of course.
-:''[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire]''
+:''[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire. He then yawns.]''
-:'''Skinner:''' Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
+:'''Skinner:''' Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
-:'''Chalmers:''' Yes, I should be, good lord what is happening in there?!
+:'''Chalmers:''' Yes, I should be-- Good lord! What is happening in there?!
 :'''Skinner:''' Aurora Borealis?
-:'''Chalmers:''' Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
+:'''Chalmers:''' A...Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?
 :'''Skinner:''' Yes.
 :'''Chalmers:''' May I see it?
-:'''Skinner:''' Er, no.
+:'''Skinner:''' No.
 :'''Agnes:''' Seymour, the house is on fire!
 :'''Skinner:''' No, Mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

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