Editing Holidays of Future Passed/Quotes

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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Ten-Per-Cent Solution|Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson}}

:'''[[Seymour Skinner]]:''' You're two weeks late on the rent, [[Bart]]. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
:'''Bart::''' Don't worry. I've got some buyers coming over to look at my good kidney. They grow back, right?
:'''Skinner:''' Just get me that rent, or you'll be expelled.
:'''Bart:''' You mean evicted?
:'''Skinner:''' Mhmm.
----
:'''Bart:''' ''(thinking)'' Hahaha. I'll just dump them at my mom's.
:'''[[Bart's eldest child]]:''' You know, we can hear thoughts now!
:'''Bart:''' Dammit!
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:'''[[Milhouse]]:''' Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal [[allergies]] are kicking in.
:'''[[Lisa]]:''' Aww. You poor thing. this is a tough time of year for someone who's allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes...
:'''Milhouse:''' I can't believe we put a man on the sun but we can't stop my sneezing! ''(sneezes)''
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:'''[[Homer]]:''' Oh [[Marge]], how would you like some future sex?
:'''Marge:''' Why do you say future? This is now.
:'''Homer:''' I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.
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:'''Homer:''' Hey, I've got a B-Mail too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now.
:'''Marge:''' Don't open it Homie. It's a virus.
:'''Homer:''' Too late. I- ''(starts to fit)''
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:'''Bart:''' I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. it's so hard to find somebody new.
:'''[[Ned Flanders]]:''' Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed [[Edna Krabappel|Edna]], I married [[Maude Flanders (ghost)|Maude's ghost]]. 
:'''Maude's ghost:''' There is no [[God]], Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void.
:'''Ned:''' Hehe. Isn't she pretty?
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:'''Marge:''' And now [[Patty]] and [[Selma]] are here to help us decorate with their new [[Lovebots]].
:'''Selma:''' ''(to her Lovebot)'' Make me a bloody Mary dollface.
:'''Selma's Lovebot:''' No Selma. Even a robot built only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid. 
----
:''(Bart gets pulled over by a police car)''
:'''Bart:''' Naww. It's Chief Wiggum.
:'''[[Ralph Wiggum]]:''' Hi Bart!
:'''Bart:''' Hey Ralph. I heard you died.
:'''Ralph:''' I got cloneded. ''(Ralph shoots himself in the head)''
:'''Ralph clone 1:''' All right buddy, what's the hurry?
:''(Bart drives off. A truck hits the Ralph clone)''
:'''Ralph clone 2:''' Heh. That Ralph was stupid. 
:''(the lorry crashes into a building. Several Ralph clones fall out the back on fire)''
:'''Ralph clones:''' ''(screams of pain)''
----
:''(Bart enters [[Moe's Tavern]])''
:'''Bart:''' Wow. This place hasn't changed a bit.
:'''[[Moe]]:''' Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around but this place is always a crime scene.
:'''Bart:''' Was my dad here?
:'''Moe:''' Ah, yes. Since he don't drink he just comes here to see [[Lenny]] and [[Carl]].
:'''Bart:''' ''(to Lenny's body)'' Hey Lenny.
:'''Carl:''' ''(in Lenny's body)'' I'm Carl. 
:'''Lenny:''' ''(in Carl's body)'' Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony.
:'''Bart:''' Right, what was the point again?
:'''Lenny:''' Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time. 
:'''Carl:''' Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show, and it just got weirder from there.
:'''Lenny:''' Ah, I found it quite normal. Anyway, if you're looking for your dad, he took the kids to see his dad.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks.
:'''Carl:''' Hey, Moe, get me another beer.
:'''Lenny:''' Quit making me fat!
----
:'''Homer:''' He froze himself because he was sick and there was no cure.
:'''[[Bart's youngest child]]:''' Are they working on one?
:'''Homer:''' Oh, they found one. But don't tell him. This is way cheaper than a nursing home.
----
:'''Homer:''' Dad, these are your great grandsons.
:'''[[Abraham Simpson]]:''' Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And Homer, you're still a big disappointment because-
:'''Homer:''' See you next [[Christmas]]. ''(Homer re-freezes Grampa)''
----
:'''Homer:''' Everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older,  you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance. 
:'''Bart:''' Boys, I've acted like a ten year old for the last thirty years and I swear to you, I will grow up and act like a twenty year old, the way a divorced forty year old should. 
:'''Bart's youngest child:''' You're gonna have to do better than that.
:'''Bart:''' Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad, I live in a school, it's Christmas. The only thing worth anything in my life is you. 
:'''Bart's eldest child:''' Oh, dad.
:'''Bart's youngest child:''' You've taught us the meaning of Christmas. Which schools are forbidden to tell us anymore.

{{Season 23 Q}}