Editing Guess Who's Coming to Skinner/Quotes

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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Aunt Misbehavin'|Parahormonal Activity}}

{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Well, there's only one cure for this type of boredom. A Gilded Age home invasion.
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{{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} This horseplay stops now. Globes down.
{{qf|Bart}} Heads up.
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Raise my head? Heard and understood.
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Oh, these past weeks have been difficult. Five eyeball surgeries. Two lid grafts. Now I have rods, but no cones. But I have a purpose. Even though it's the last day before spring break, I had to come back so I could say the words every principal dreams of saying. ''[to Homer and Marge]'' You are garbage parents.
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Garbage parents?
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Even me?
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} All you parents are the same. Take credit when your kids succeed and make excuses when they fail. It's disgusting. It's because of parents like you that… ''[over the PA]'' I hate children!
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{{qf|[[Agnes Skinner]]}} ''[letter left for Skinner]'' Dear Seymour, I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. Oh. No mother wants to see her son… period. 
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{{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} Go away. I'm about to score with my wife.
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} But there's a creature loose in the school.
{{qf|Willie}} Why didn't you say so, man?
{{qf|[[Maisie MacWeldon]]}} Our Scottish Scrabble game can wait. Now go kill a frightened, defenseless animal that stumbled into the world of man.
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{{qf|[[Hub]]}} I'm a ghost of a kid who died long ago when kids used to die all the time.
{{qf|Groundskeeper Willie}} A specter! Those weren't dog bones I found in the sandbox!
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} This blatant infraction is going directly into your file.
{{qf|Hub}} Well, good luck with that, sparkle tears. I'm not in there.
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} You're not enrolled? But I've seen you. You're in Ms. Peyton's class. One of those kids that sits in the back between [[Girl with glasses|Eyeglasses Girl]] and [[Buck-toothed boy|Bucktooth Boy]] and never speaks.
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Where are your parents?
{{qf|Hub}} Where are your parents?
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} My mother's with [[Jasper]], and my father's ashes are in a bag in the upstairs sewing room.
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} I've got this, sir. I'm calling Child Services.
{{qf|[[Superintendent Chalmers]]}} You do, and I will cut you like a bitch.
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{{qf|Superintendent Chalmers}} The next time I see you, you better have my money… requisition forms for next year's textbooks.
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{{qf|Hub}} ''[to Skinner]'' Oh, my God. You are so dumb. How did you live this long?
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Get back in here.
{{qf|Hub}} Aw. But I was gonna go out and find America. This was fun, but I gotta go. You've been a great host. Five stars.
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. I come to you hat in hand. I've never had to deal with a child outside the hours of 8:10 to 2:45. I need your advice. How do I handle this handful?
:''[Homer and Marge start laughing]''
{{qf|Homer}} You're asking us? The garbage parents?
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} ''[cackles]'' But we spawned a monster.
:''[both start cackling]''
{{qf|Homer}} One day with a kid, and he's already broken.
:''[both laughing]''
{{qf|Marge}} And now he needs our help.
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{{qf|Hub}} You saved me. All I've done is say mean stuff to you, run away and scratch up all your records where dogs bark Christmas carols.
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} It's fine. Those dogs are long dead anyway. It's not like I can go see them in concert again.
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{{qf|Principal Skinner}} I did it. I'm parenting, and I'm good at it.
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{{qf|Hub}} Okay, so, the thing you guys don't get about [[Farmer McGregor]] is he's the best actor in the world, and you're just a bunch of dumb animals. Now, let's have fun with this.
{{qf|[[Martin Prince]]}} What the hell is this [bleep]? Farmer McGregor only has three lines and two of them are, "Here comes [[Peter Rabbit]]." Me.
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{{qf|[[Ms. Peyton]]}} Milhouse is a joy to have in the room. He just needs to stop practicing his kissing on female lunch box images.
{{qf|[[Kirk Van Houten]]}} You hear that, Luann? Female.
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{{qf|[[Nelson Muntz]]}} Ha-ha! You thought he was running to you.
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} [[Mrs. Muntz|Your mother]] dances for coupons, and [[Eddie Muntz|your father]] has a second family he loves more than you.
{{qf|Nelson}} ''[whimpers]''
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{{qf|Hub}} Mom and Dad dumped me at boarding school with a bunch of other snooty jerks with rich parents who don't give a crap. I couldn't take it, so I bailed and came to Springfield. I liked it here.
{{qf|[[Mr. Hubley]]}} And now we've found you.
{{qf|Hub}} Yeah, well, it only took you like five months.
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{{qf|Hub}} ''[as Farmer McGregor]'' A farmer rises with the sun, coaxing life out of the earth and nourishing the beasts under his dominion. But I wanna talk about one particular creature on my farm. A wayward mouse who had been abandoned by his rich mouse parents at an elite boarding farm.
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Wait, I didn't write any of this mouse junk.
{{qf|[[Milhouse Van Houten]]}} You didn't write anything. You just ran the room.
{{qf|Lisa}} Picking good stuff is just as hard as creating good stuff.
{{qf|Hub}} ''[as Farmer McGregor]'' The mouse ran away and hid in the barn, blending in with the other animals, afraid to call attention to himself. Then, a kind old mouse found him. He shared with him the cheese of encouragement. And with that, the mouse spread his wings and became a magnificent [[Mr. Pibbb]]-drinking butterfly. But now, the little mouse has to leave, and he'll never forget the kind older mouse who believed in him, allowing him to see more.

{{Season 37|Q}}