Editing Two Bad Neighbors/Quotes

{{TabQ}}
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Team Homer|Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield}}

{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Marge, I'm bored.
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Why don't you read something?
{{qf|Homer}} Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
{{qf|Marge}} Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
{{qf|Homer}} Ehh, I'll do it anyway. ''[grabs Bart]'' Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!
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{{qf|Homer}} Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
{{qf|Homer}} ''[finishing a canned drink]'' It's easier, duh. ''[litters]''
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{{qf|[[Apu]]}} Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
{{qf|Homer}} Uh... spray the boy. ''[Apu sprays Bart]''
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{{qf|Homer}} Hey! I never noticed this place.
{{qf|Bart}} Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
{{qf|Homer}} Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? ''[at the house]'' Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
{{qf|Bart}} Who are you talking to, Homer?
{{qf|Homer}} The guy who doesn't live there.
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{{qf|Marge}} Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago. 
{{qf|Homer}} But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
{{qf|Marge}} I don't care who's consolidating their power. ''[holds up something else]'' Well, we don't need this.
{{qf|Homer}} ''[sputters]'' Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. ''[holds up a jacket]''
{{qf|Marge}} ''[reading the jacket]'' Who's "Disco Stu"?
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space. 
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{{qf|[[Ned]]}} Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
{{qf|[[Mrs. Glick]]}} It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
{{qf|Ned}} Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
{{qf|Mrs. Glick}} No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars! 
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{{qf|Marge}} Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? ''[turns it on]''
{{qf|[[Skinner]]}} Hmm. It's awfully loud.
{{qf|Marge}} Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. ''[does so]''
{{qf|Skinner}} ''[scoffs]'' But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. ''[walks off]'' ''[pops head back]'' Have you sold that tie rack yet?
{{qf|Marge}} No.
{{qf|Skinner}} I'll take it.
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{{qf|Ned}} Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! ''[holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]''
{{qf|Man}} Stu! You should buy that!
{{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
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{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
{{qf|Everyone}} We surrender!
{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Speeend some dough at table three.
:''[Everyone cheers and holds up money.]''
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{{qf|[[George Bush|George]]}} Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. ''[everyone stares]'' Former president George Bush?
{{qf|Everyone}} Oh, OK! ''[mild applause]''
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{{qf|Bart}} Wow, a former president living right across the street.
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
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{{qf|Ned}} Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
{{qf|George Bush}} Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
{{qf|Ned}} Tip top notch!
{{qf|George Bush}} Okily dokily!
{{qf|Ned}} Thankily dankily!
{{qf|George Bush}} Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
{{qf|Both}} Fine and dandy like sour candy! 
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{{qf|[[Maude]]}} What brings you to Springfield?
{{qf|[[Barbara Bush|Barbara]]}} Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
{{qf|George}} Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
{{qf|[[Rod]]}} ''[worried]'' But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
{{qf|[[Todd]]}} ''[worried]'' There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
{{qf|Ned}} ''[nervous laugh]'' Now Todd, don't scare the president.
:''[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays.]''
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:''[George Bush shows Bart a photo album.]''
{{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George?
{{qf|George Bush}} That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—
{{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George?
{{qf|George Bush}} Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's [[Bob Mosbacher]]. He was secretary of—
{{qf|Bart}} That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
{{qf|George Bush}} Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—
{{qf|Bart}} How many times were you president, George?
{{qf|George Bush}} ''[annoyed]'' You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
{{qf|Bart}} Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George! 
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{{qf|Homer}} Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! ''[stops behind Bush at the drive thru]''
{{qf|George}} Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "[[Krusty Burger]]"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
{{qf|Boy}} ''[through order box]'' Uh... we don't have stew.
:''[Homer honks impatiently.]''
{{qf|{{ap|Ray Johnson|Two Bad Neighbors|Ray}}}} Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
{{qf|George}} Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
{{qf|Homer}} Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
{{qf|George}} That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
:''[Ray goes back toward Homer's car.]''
{{qf|Ray}} Sir, could you pop your hood? 
:''[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn.]''
{{qf|Homer}} Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!
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{{qf|Bart}} Hey, where's your candy?
{{qf|George}} ''[even more annoyed]'' We don't have any. Now go away!
{{qf|Barbara}} George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
{{qf|George}} ''[scoffs]'' Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
{{qf|Barbara}} What's that?
{{qf|George}} Oh, nothing.
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{{qf|Homer}} All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
{{qf|Marge}} Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. ''[kisses him]''
{{qf|Homer}} Well, you can always depend on that. ''[looks furtively out the window at the car]''
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{{qf|Bart}} Whoa man!
{{qf|George Bush}} ''[fed up]'' Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. ''[grabs Bart's knee and lightly spanks Bart]'' Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.
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{{qf|Homer}} He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
{{qf|Bart}} I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
{{qf|[[Abe]]}} Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
{{qf|Marge}} Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
{{qf|Abe}} And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! ''[points at Lisa, reading quietly]''
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{{qf|Homer}} ''[furious]'' First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
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{{qf|Homer}} Hey! You owe me an apology.
{{qf|George}} You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
{{qf|Ray}} You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
{{qf|Homer}} Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
{{qf|George}} ''[with trembling lips]'' Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. ''[the gate opens and Homer walks in]'' All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, I want trouble, all right.
{{qf|George}} Then you're going to get trouble.
{{qf|Homer}} No, you're going to get trouble.
{{qf|George}} Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
{{qf|Homer}} Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
{{qf|George}} Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
{{qf|Homer}} Trouble it is.
{{qf|George}} For you. ''[walks inside, slams door]''
{{qf|Homer}} For—d'oh!
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{{qf|Barbara}} ''[yawns]'' Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
{{qf|George}} Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... ''[shakes spray paint]''
:''[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day.]''
{{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
{{qf|George}} No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
{{qf|Ned}} Who, Maude and me?
{{qf|George}} No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
{{qf|Barbara}} ''[off-camera]'' I'm not getting involved, George.
{{qf|George}} Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.
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{{qf|Barbara}} I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
{{qf|Marge}} Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
{{qf|Barbara}} Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.
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{{qf|Homer}} For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
{{qf|George Bush}} Never. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
{{qf|Homer}} ''[shocked]'' Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. ''[to Bush]'' Never! 
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{{qf|George}} I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
{{qf|Homer}} Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.
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{{qf|Barbara}} It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- ''[Bush honks his horn impatiently]''—oh, my. Well, so long. ''[Barbara gets in and they drive off]''
{{qf|Marge}} Bye bye.
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{{qf|[[Gerald Ford]]}} Say, Homer, do you like football?
{{qf|Homer}} Do I ever!
{{qf|Gerald Ford}} Do you like nachos?
{{qf|Homer}} Yes, Mr. Ford.
{{qf|Gerald Ford}} Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
:''[Homer and Ford cross the street together.]''
{{qf|Homer}} Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
:''[They both trip in Ford's driveway.]''
{{qf|Homer & Ford}} D'oh! 

{{Season 7|Q}}