Editing We're Not in Equalia Anymore

{{Tapped Out Quest
|name = We're Not in Equalia Anymore
|image = 
|level = 6
|update = {{TOCU|Queen Helvetica}}
|requirements = {{ap|myPad|Tapped Out quest}}
|characters = [[Queen Helvetica]]
|optional = 
|previous = 
|next = 
|premium = yes
}}

'''We're Not in Equalia Anymore''' is a premium questline in ''[[The Simpsons: Tapped Out]]''. It was introduced in the {{TOCU|Queen Helvetica}} content update. It requires [[Queen Helvetica]] to be obtained.

== Dialogue ==
=== Pt. 1 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Hello, Springfield! It is I, Queen Helvetica, ruler of the Kingdom of [[Equalia]]!}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Equalia is a land of tolerance and equal rights for all!}}
{{Tapped Out Bart Icon|Sneaky}}
{{TB|Wait. If you're the queen, then it's not TOTALLY equal, is it?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Well, SOMEONE needs to be queen. You need a government, right? But my every decree is just and fair.}}
{{Tapped Out Bart Icon|Surprised}}
{{TB|"Decree"? Sheesh, so you're a dictator?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|There's also a legislature. But they've never disagreed with my policies.}}
{{Tapped Out Bart Icon}}
{{TB|So they just rubberstamp everything you say. THAT'S not a system ripe for abuse.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUEEN. OTHERWISE, WHO WEARS THE GOWNS AND TIARAS?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|Boys are so dumb.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Write Stories of Equalia|60 minutes|[[The Castle of Equalia]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 2 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Mayor Quimby, hail from Equalia! The blessed realm of equality, fairness and acceptance for all.}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|Mind telling me how you got elected running on such an asinine platform?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Well, I'm queen so... no elections.}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|How is a monarchy a land of equality?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|IT JUST IS, OKAY? WHY IS EVERYONE SO HUNG UP ON THIS?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Anyway, Springfield could learn much from Equalia. May I share some of our enlightened policies with you?}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon}}
{{TB|I'm more interested in you "sharing" the property taxes on that enormous castle. Which is in Springfield.}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon}}
{{TB|The blessed realm of paying your taxes or here come the bulldozers.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|We have no money in Equalia. We're a post-scarcity utopian society.}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon}}
{{TB|That's nice. Well, I've got a castle to rubble-ize.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Wait! Maybe I could sell you some two-nicorns? It's a unicorn with two horns.}}
{{Tapped Out Quimby Icon}}
{{TB|So it's a deer.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Well, no. Sort of.}}
{{THT|{{Task|Reach Level 20 and Build Town Hall}}<br>{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Meet with Mayor Quimby|12 hours|the [[Town Hall]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 3 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Martin Icon}}
{{TB|Long live Queen Helvetica! Ruthless despot of that blessed realm! The Iron Lady of Tolerance!}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|You should visit Equalia. Seriously, everybody's totally happy.}}
{{Tapped Out Martin Icon}}
{{TB|They'd better be! Or else!}}
{{Tapped Out Martin Icon}}
{{TB|Am I right, oh Most Beneficent Tyrant?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Why can't I explain this to anyone?}}
{{Tapped Out Martin Icon}}
{{TB|If you've got propaganda to deliver, television is a first-rate medium!}}
{{THT|{{Task|Reach Level 23 and Build Channel 6}}<br>{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Do an Interview|4 hours|{{Channel 6}}}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|Kent Brockman, here, with Queen Helvetica. Tell us about Equalia, Your Majesty.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|It's a land of equal rights for--}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|Any juicy gossip about the royal family? Bring us up to speed on the disgraceful scandals currently besmirching your reign.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Uh...}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|You see, America has never known monarchy. We pretend that makes us better than other nations.}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|When, in fact, we are consumed with jealousy. Jealousy of the scrumptious, titillating gossip that even a second-rate royal family vomits forth!}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|So feed the tabloid monster! How many of your sons are you ashamed of?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|I'm eight years old.}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|You heard it here first, folks. A mother at eight! God, I love depraved royalty.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 4 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|I came to deliver a message of hope and peace, and all they care about is gossip-rag fodder!}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Sure, I've got some great diet tips. And my great-aunt DID have a torrid affair with an orc in that one story.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|But why is that more interesting than the fine points of anti-discrimination laws?}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Perhaps I'll have better luck talking with other children.}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|This just in! Royal floozy trolls for boy toys! News at six!}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Speak at Springfield Elementary|12 hours|[[Springfield Elementary]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|Kent Brockman here, with local bully Nelson Muntz.}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|Nelson, what was your impression of Queen Helvetica's tour of Springfield Elementary?}}
{{Tapped Out Nelson Icon}}
{{TB|Kent, my impression was that she was very into me, and wants my junk.}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|And by junk you mean?}}
{{Tapped Out Nelson Icon}}
{{TB|I have no idea.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 5 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|Everyone in this town has a horrible opinion of me!}}
{{Tapped Out Moe Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|Hey Queenie! Keep your shady regal attitude outta my shady bar!}}
{{Tapped Out Lenny Icon}}
{{TB|Who's Equalia's version of Camilla Parker-Bowles, and why won't you be nicer to her?}}
{{Tapped Out Carl Icon}}
{{TB|Are you dating Nelson Muntz? If so -- great catch!}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|I've got to get away from them!}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Hide from Paparazzi|a [[Brown House]] or the [[Simpson House]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 6 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|I can't take this place! Why won't you leave me alone!?}}
{{Tapped Out Lenny Icon}}
{{TB|Just wait out the news cycle. Everyone forgets about everything after one news cycle.}}
{{Tapped Out Lenny Icon}}
{{TB|And... done. There. You're yesterday's news. Congratulations, whoever you are.}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|Uh, thanks! So who replaced me in the public consciousness?}}
{{Tapped Out Lenny Icon}}
{{TB|Some kid on ViewTube who puts metal objects into electrical sockets. There he is!}}
{{Tapped Out Ralph Icon|Electrocuted}}
{{TB|I'm a miracle I'm still alive!}}
{{Tapped Out Queen Helvetica Icon}}
{{TB|I can always count on you, Ralph Wiggum.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Queen Helvetica Listen to the Royal MyPod|12 hours}}|colspan=2}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|200}} and {{XP|20}}|colspan=2}}
}}

== Behind the Laughter ==
The quest name is a reference to the quote "We're not in Kansas anymore" from ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]''.