Editing Hardly Kirk-Ing (Tapped Out quest)

{{Title|Hardly Kirk-Ing}}
{{for2|the episode|Hardly Kirk-ing}}
{{Tapped Out Quest
|name = Hardly Kirk-Ing
|image = 
|level = 37
|update = {{TOCU|Level 37}}
|requirements = 
|characters = [[Luann]], [[Kirk]]
|optional = 
|previous = {{TOQP|The Investorettes|4}}<br>{{TOQP|Weekend Dad|16}}
|next = 
|premium = yes
}}

'''Hardly Kirk-Ing''' is a premium questline in ''[[The Simpsons: Tapped Out]]''. It was introduced in the {{TOCU|Level 37}} content update. It requires [[Luann]] to be obtained.

== Dialogue ==
=== Pt. 1 ===
{{Table|
{{TH|After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Hey Luann! All my years of hard work finally paid off, by not paying off at all. I'm getting free checks from the government!}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I’m even thinking about buying back my molars from that pawnshop. Do YOU get paid to do nothing?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Basically, yes. Running a cracker factory is like being on unemployment, only with more money and fewer forms.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|Oh man, I’ve got to fill out one form every two weeks. Why can’t I win?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Because you’re a loser. You’re the only man I know with a World’s Second Best Dad mug.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Please give me back my job at the Cracker Factory. I’m not above begging. In fact, I’m well below it.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|So you want to come crawling back to crackers?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Fine, I’ll hire you Kirk. But you’ll have to start at the beginning – as a cracker intern.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]]}}<br>{{Task/Job|Make Kirk Work at the Cracker Factory|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Long day at the factory. Turns out I only get two 15-minute breaks and both I’m required to spend working.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|And I’m pretty sure half of the employees are pairs of children wearing giant trench coats.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|You better not report those kids – I mean stacked adults – to the government or else I’ll have you fired.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve ruined the magic of crackers. You don’t have to fire me -- I quit.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 2 ===
{{Table|
{{TH|After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|Kirk, if you want to stay a part of this family, you are going to have to get a real job.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|And I know what you’re thinking, and that doesn’t include organ donor.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I’ve been dedicating my time to the most important job there is – being a father.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Where’s Milhouse right now?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Trick question! That’s not our son’s name. Oh wait, it is. Fine, I’ll get a job. Do you mind taking a look at my resume?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Hmm…cleaning vomit, scaring away birds, groveling… actually I might have the perfect job for you.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon|Excited}}
{{TB|You can manage one of my Fleet-A-Pitas! Well, assistant manage. Actually just work there.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I'm in management!}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirk Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas|16 hours|a [[Fleet-A-Pita]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pedal pita when in my heart I know it’s just a soft, salt-less, un-American substitute cracker.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|But how can I tell Luann that I want to quit?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Maybe I can fake my own death, convince Luann I’m a ghost and live in the crawl space.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Nah, she wouldn’t fall for that a second time.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 3 ===
{{Table|
{{TH|After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Hey Homer, you seem to have it all together. Can I ask you for some advice?}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Never train a monkey to do your job for you because then you’ll get a monkey boss. There you go! The first one’s free.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Thanks Homer. But I was looking for some advice about my marriage.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Never bring the monkey home. You’re welcome!}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|Luann doesn’t want me or need me.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|She’s better at everything than I am – running the factory, raising our son, even peeing standing up.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Don’t forget running the Cracker Factory.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I already said that one.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|She’s just really good at it. Like so much better than you.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|What am I going to do, Homer?}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Don’t ask me. Marge handles all the relationship problems herself.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Why don’t you try a book? I’ve heard good things about them from Lisa.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirk Borrow a Self Help Book|60 minutes|the [[Springfield Library]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Those self-help books really showed me the error of my ways.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|It turns out the secret to a healthy relationship is appreciating your partner and buying more self-help books.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Oh yeah, showing appreciation is important.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|For instance, Marge fixes me breakfast every morning. And I… uh… drink beer.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I should do something special for Luann! Are coupons for free hugs still a thing?}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|This isn’t your anniversary, Kirk. This calls for some serious romancing.}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|You should take her out to dinner… and don’t order anything that requires a bib.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|That sounds expensive. How’s an unemployed loser like me going to afford that?}}
{{Tapped Out Homer Icon}}
{{TB|Think of it as an investment. Invest money in Luann now, and once she lets you back in the house--}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I can steal money from her purse!}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 4 ===
{{Table|
{{TH|After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Luann, we have to talk.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|What is it this time?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I know I’ve been a huge disappointment to you and that I don’t deserve another chance but if you let me, I’d like to make it up to you.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Let me take you to the most expensive dinner in town.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|It’s where they make normal food look weird and taste almost exactly the same. El Chemistri!}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Is there a catch? How can you afford this?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|The owner of the restaurant owes me a favor. I let him hit me with his car for fun.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Luann Dine at El Chemistri|4 hours|[[El Chemistri]]}}<br>{{Task/Job|Make Kirk Dine at El Chemistri|4 hours|[[El Chemistri]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Kirk, I-I am speechless, I really didn't expect something this thoughtful from you.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|I actually don’t expect anything at all from you. Seriously ever.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|I’m always here to support you in this marriage, Luann.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|Emotionally, not financially. Just want to make that crystal clear.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Oh, Kirk. I guess you’ll do.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 5 ===
{{Table|
{{TH|After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|I’ve thought it over and I think I haven’t been fair to you.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|As long as you’re willing to do absolutely everything I say without question, then I’m willing to offer you your old management job back at the Cracker Factory.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon}}
{{TB|The job I was born for! Being an empty suit!}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|How about we carpool in the MegaGlobe today sweetheart? At least until I head to executive parking.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]]}}<br>{{Task/Job|Make Kirk Run the Cracker Factory|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Milhouse Icon}}
{{TB|I'm so glad my parents are no longer fighting!}}
{{Tapped Out Milhouse Icon}}
{{TB|At least for this week…}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|200}} and {{XP|20}}|colspan=2}}
}}

{{Tapped Out Quests/Premium Level 21-40}}